Leave Me Where I Am
by mdaxoxo
Summary: When Ponyboy's attacked, his attackers tear everything away from him, his sanity included. The gang's left to piece him back together, but can he really ever be whole again? Contains rape, no slash at the momment but may become Dally/Ponyboy
1. Prologue

**Title: **Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author: <strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**(Told in Ponyboys point of view)**

**Prologue**

It was a Friday night when it all started. You know, it started out as one of my usual Friday nights.

I was hanging out in the living room with the gang, sitting next to Johnny on the couch and watching as Steve, two-bit and Soda played poker and continuously argued. Every once in a while Darry would yell at them to "shut the hell up" from where he was sitting, and they would, for about two minutes before their voices would grow louder and louder until they were at the same height that they were before. It was a cycle that I knew would continue well until one in the morning and it tends to grow boring. Soon, I was exchanging board glances with Johnny, but we both knew there really wasn't anything else better to do.

I was about to get up and go to my room with Johnny to actually do homework even if it didn't have to be done until Monday when Dally walked in and regarded us coolly before turning to Darry and calling out over the other voices, "I'm going to take Pony and Johnny out to catch a movie or something, alright?" Darry glanced up from his paper, first at Dally then at me before nodding and saying "Not too late."

We pulled our shoes on and I slipped on a jacket before following out behind the older two, no one else really even noticed we left.

As we walked out of the house I was glad I put on a jacket, it was a cold September night and I could see my breath. Me and Johnny followed Dally like lost puppies until Johnny actually spoke up and asked him where the hell we were going.

Dally looked back at us with a smirk on his face, "I'm taking you two kiddies to your first party." He said simply.

Wait, what?

"Wait, what? What do you mean you're taking us to a party, Darry will _kill _me, Dally, and you know that!" I protested. Johnny looked a bit worried, too.

"Don't worry, either of you, we're just going to some house party, not even that far from here, and I'll have you back before Darry will even worry. Or, I can always call him and tell him you two are staying with me. Despite what many people believe he does trust me. Don't worry, nothing will happened to either of you, I promise."He reassured us.

And I should trust him; he really never gave me a reason not to.

I was excited at first, I had never been to a party before, and in fact I've never even been to a birthday party before. I could tell Johnny was excited to from where he was standing beside me.

So we continued to walk in silence. I tried to memorize where we were going, we passed a Dairy Queen, then some nicer house before walking back into streets filled with ones looking worse than ours. The last street we came to was a cul-de-sac and right at the very end was a larger house, it looked more like something from a horror movie, It was dark green and two stories with broken and boarded up windows. I looked like it had been abandoned like all the other houses around it.

And there were people everywhere, the music was loud and there were people making out and drinking on the lawn, I was afraid to see what was on the inside.

Everything seems to kind of be a blur from the time we entered the house to the time I finally stumbled out past everyone to the time when _it _actually happened.

-Break-

The party started out normal at first, well as normal as an out of control random house party can get I suppose. But, like I said before, it's hard to specifically remember everything that happened.

I remember someone handing me a plastic cup filed to the brim with alcohol as me and Johnny squeezed through the door way behind Dally. I remember watching them down their drinks easily and I tried to do the same, it tasted sweet but there was the undeniable kick of alcohol behind it, I quickly finished it.

I tried to stay near them but I was lost in a sea of moving bodies, the alcohol already making my brain fuzzy.

I remember feeling suffocated and hot and somewhere along the line I lost my jacket, leaving me in jeans and a rather tight black tank top.

I had two more drinks before I located Dally and Johnny again. Dally was with a group of girls and Johnny was, to my shock, drunk and flirting shamelessly with a girl. I had never even thought Johnny would be one to drink and act the way he did, Dally, Steve, two-bit and even Soda, yes, but Johnny?

So I went back up stairs and I remember some big, drunk guy hitting on me, if I was to tell you that I liked girls, I would be half lying, but this? I remember him squeezing me against a wall, causing me to drop my drink and his hands coming to grab my hips.

But he was more inebriated then I and I managed to squeeze out from between his body and the wall and stumble down the stairs. I had to leave, I had to find Johnny and maybe Dally and I had to go.

I pushed my way through the bodies, it seemed like hours before I caught site of Johnny, I reached out to grab him, at first my fingers just brushed against him, closing around air, before I finally managed to fully grab his arm and pull him away from whoever the hell it was he was talking to.

"Johnny." I gasped out, pulling his attention to me, "We have to go, now, please Johnny, we have to go." I pleaded breathlessly.

He shot me a look and pulled his arm from my grasp. I dropped my hand to the side, why was he acting like this?

"For gods sake Pony, would you just grow up and try to enjoy yourself? I knew Dally shouldn't have taken you to a party, I _knew_ a baby like you wouldn't be able to handle it!" He shot out.

My mouth dropped open, I couldn't believe he just said that.

_It's only the alcohol talking. _My mind tried to convince me.

"Johnny, there was, I…" I couldn't finish my sentence, I tried to explain to him what happened, that I needed to leave, that this really wasn't a good place to be.

"No, Pony, I don't care, stop being such a baby and try to have some fun!" He yelled at me. I was thankful for the loud music so no one could actually hear what was going on. I didn't miss the slur in his words.

_It's only the alcohol talking._


	2. Chapter 1

**Title: **Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author: <strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**(Told in Ponyboys point of view)**

**Chapter 1**

It was a Friday night when it happened.

I was walking back from the party I had gone to with Dally and Johnny, only this time, I was all alone.

It was a stupid idea, you know, Darry always tells me I never use my head, I never really do I guess. It was around twelve in the morning, not the best time to be walking around alone, but like I said before, I don't use my head.

I realize it wasn't a smart idea now, believe me I do but, God I was just so angry. I had just gotten into a fight with my best friend. Well, not really a fight, I tried to ask him if we could leave but, he, well he just yelled at me.

I, well, I've never really liked to be yelled at, I'm, well I'm a bit of a cry baby I guess and when Johnny, my best friend was so harsh to me, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I didn't care if he was drunk or not, I couldn't believe him.

I didn't know what to say, I didn't even feel like I should try and explain what had happened any more. I could already feel tears starting to burn my eyes, I just turned around so fast that I almost fell flat on my face and just stumbled out of the house.

I tried to head back the way we came; I tried to remember anything, anything I might have seen on the way over.

I just wanted to be alone. Going from being unbearably hot in the house to the cold air made goose bumps rise up on my skin, I didn't even think about my jacket I had left behind.

I was tipsy and I could barely walk straight. I must have looked ridiculous, crying like I was, wearing jeans that were just a bit snug on me, barely covering my hip bones and a black tank top that was tight and showing maybe just a bit too much of my stomach.

I know, I must have looked like a pathetic slut, I guess, I must have looked like I was asking for it.

Anyways, it was pretty cold out, and all I could think about was getting back home and just crawling into bed and hoping everything will solve its self out in the morning.

And, well, all these thoughts were running through my head, and I just felt so angry and at this point I really hated Dally and Johnny, Johnny for yelling at me and Dally for having the stupid idea to take us out in the first place. Well, I thought I hated them I guess.

I got this kind of sick feeling in my stomach, you know, like someone just punched me in the gut, a kind of queasy feeling. If I was thinking straight at the time I would have probably blamed it on the alcohol I had consumed, but I just blame it on how upset I was, you know, like if you're crying so hard or if you're scared enough you'll start to feel sick. It was kind of like that.

I remembered we had passed a Dairy Queen, and that's what I was searching for. As I wandered around the dark streets, I was jumping out of my skin at every noise and I kept thinking about what Johnny I had said to me.

"_Stop being such a baby."_

Now would be a perfectly good time to start doing so, I thought to myself.

By the time I came around the back of the Dairy Queen I was breathing a bit easier and I had stopped crying finally and that knot in my stomach had tied itself into was beginning to loosen and I guess I felt a bit calmer than when I had first left the party.

Then, then I noticed there was a group of guys hanging out back.

I really don't know how I had missed them at first, they were rather loud. They were sitting in the back of this white van, there was some kind of paint on the side, something for an electric company. But it was one of those company vans, you know? The van had those doors that pulled open ad a flat bed in the back.

There were six of them there, they looked to be twenty-one and over. Good looking, I guess, they were greasers I could tell, but they looked, well, they looked trashier.

The light was on in the van, barely illuminating them, but enough to see their faces, theirs faces and their work boots and their ripped jeans, they had a stereo on too, playing some kind of music, it was too much static to make out what was actually playing.

Two of them had cigarettes dangling from their mouths; they looked neglected, like they needed to be ashed pretty bad.

But what stood out the most was the unbelievable stench of alcohol that filled the parking lot. At a closer look you could see the empty bottles that littered the back of the truck and the ground around their feet. Most of them were just empty beer bottles, but there were some of those cheap clear bottles, not even glass, plastic ones that had probably once held vodka. You know, that cheap disgusting kind that burns your throat and makes your eyes water.

Anyways, I wiped my face clearing the tear tracks and, well, I continued walking, at first wishing I could just blend into the pavement.

Then, then I started thinking about what Johnny said to me and well I really wasn't thinking straight honest. I wanted to show Johnny who the baby was now, and I started to want them to notice me, God I was so, so stupid!

But, I walked a little taller, head up and I walked with a little saunter, even when I was doing it, in that little part of my mind I knew it was a stupid idea, one because well, how the hell did I even know they would be attracted to me, to guys and two because I knew it was going to be something I would regret latter.

Then, then the catcalls started, I don't know if it was something I was looking to get, but it made me feel a little better I suppose, you know I can't really remember, after that everything seemed like a blur.

So I glanced at them a little, smiling and one of them motioned with his head, this jerky nod as if to say "come here" I didn't, then, then one of them called out,

"Hey, pretty thing, come have a couple of drinks. Hate to see someone as good-looking as you along."

Again, I didn't, well at first, I hesitated, and in that moment of hesitation I really, I really should have just kept walking.

And then I walked over. I went over to then, and I smiled, I introduced myself as Ponyboy, they smiled at me, no witty comments about my name and they shook my hand politely, gently.

They never told me their names.

I just sat down in between two of them and they handed me a beer, they didn't slip anything in it, I watched them open it and hand it to me.

It was cold and refreshing and I sipped on it and they started talking to me.

They were nice, one of them just got back from Florida, the youngest one was celebrating his twenty first birthday.

They never asked me my age.

The one whose birthday it was said he was looking for some "birthday action" his friends laughed, I just laughed nervously, I didn't know what to say to that, or how to act. I just took another long gulp f beer. It didn't taste as refreshing as it had first, it tasted stale. I really wanted to leave, but my legs didn't seem to be functioning and I was kind of afraid that if I tried to stand up I would end up falling on my face and cracking my head against the pavement.

That's all I could think of for a moment, falling and probably scraping up my knee a bit and if I would be able to hear the crack of my skull against the pavement, the shooting pain that would circulate in my head, bounce my brain around and how long it might be before I lose consciousness,

I broke out of those thoughts when one of them held his cigarette between his fore fingers up to my mouth, I looked up at him and wrapped my lips around the filter, inhaling.

He smirked at me and I, I caught his eyes with mine for a split second and he had this, this look in his eyes that I, I can't explain but I knew, I knew it was bad and that I really didn't want to see it there. In the eyes of someone that close to me, I didn't want to see that look directed at me.

Then one of them said, "He has awfully pretty lips, don't he?"

And I tried to leave, I stood up on wobbly legs and I tried, I tried to run but one of them grabbed me by my waist in a muscled arm and pulled me back into the truck. I tried to escape but I just, I just couldn't.

For god's sake I mean there were four of them, bigger than me, what did I expect? They clearly didn't want a struggle at the same time I don't think they expected one either.

They just wanted to have their goddamned fun no if ands or buts. Then again, rape victims never really do have a say in anything.

Another one grabbed my hair and pulled me into the truck. It hurt, I mean he grabbed a fist full of my fucking hair right on the top of my head and started pulling. I let out a noise of pain, and right when they heard that, they knew they weren't going to have a hard time.

So, once they shoved me into the back of the van, they pulled the doors closed and one of them went to the front, to drive away I guess, leaving four of them in the back with me. The light in the back was still on, I could see them but they weren't even looking at me, I didn't know what they were waiting for.

I didn't make any movement, was to afraid to and for a minute I didn't even blink and I barely breathed, Then I heard the engine start and then, then I actually did start to cry, it wasn't full out sobbing, at first, tears started to stream down my face and I, I tried not to make any noise but a short choked cry escaped me. I think it startled them a bit because their heads snapped towards me and when they saw the tears they started laughing at me. Then I really started bawling, I pulled my knees up to my chest and started to cry so hard it started to hurt.

But I couldn't stop, I was afraid of what they were going to do to me, what was going to happen to me or if I would ever get to see my brothers again.

The light went off in the truck and I was left sitting in the dark with four strangers who might just kill me at any second, I pressed myself into the corner of the truck.

When I felt a hand around my ankles that began to pull my legs, forcibly uncurling my body,

I began to scream.

xxx

A/N: I'm a tease, I know. More to come shortly.


	3. Chapter 2

**Title: **Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author: <strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**A/N: **Ohmygosh you guys! Thanks so much for all the reviews and favorites and alerts, oh I am just so flattered!

**(Told in Dally's point of view)**

**Chapter 2**

I lost Ponyboy.

I mean, I actually _lost_ the kid.

One second I was leading him and Johnny to a house party one the other side of town, then we were having a good time well, I guess we were all having a good time, and then I lost sight of them.

But I thought I had only lost sight of them, not their location, I didn't think they would even leave the house.

I was frustrated. The party had completely died down and I was dragging an intoxicated Johnny around the house with me.

There were two couples in the bedrooms, none of which included Ponyboy.

There was a man passed out in the hallway, not Ponyboy.

There were two girls on the couch, defiantly not Ponyboy.

And then there was the owner of the house, still not Ponyboy.

I turned around to face Johnny angrily, "You need to tell me everything, I mean he had to have talked to you before he left! God damn it, Johnny, we have to find him!" I yelled at the younger one.

I didn't mean to start yelling at the poor kid, but for god's sake I had to find the other poor kid.

"Wait!" He shouted looking at me with a blank face. "Who are we looking for again?"

I slapped myself in the face, I didn't have time for this, Darry was probably getting ready to kill me.

I looked to a nearby clock, it was half past midnight. I actually thought I was going to start crying, I like my life, I really do and I didn't want it cut short by a hulking, angry Darrel Curtis.

"Ponyboy, Johnny, were looking for Ponyboy. I know your drunk but please try to remember if you saw him leave, when did you last talk to him? Catch a glimpse of him?" I pleaded with the kid; I was hoping some of the alcohol was wearing off of him.

"I remember, I remember yelling at him. He was all, weird, like he was scared, I thought he was just being a baby about it so I told him to, ya know, stop being a baby about it and try to have fun. I thought maybe he couldn't handle it." He confessed. His brows were furrowed, as if he was deep in thought, trying to remember everything. His word were less slurred, giving me some relief that I wouldn't be having Johnny passed out drunk.

Wait, he yelled at him?

"You yelled at him? Johnny, you said he was scared, did he look hurt?" I was even more frantic now, Pony didn't like being yelled at Jesus, every time Darry yelled at the kid for something you would have thought he was also waving a gun in his face, he looked adorable scared.

Jesus, Dally, focus!

No one here would try to hurt an innocent fourteen year old boy; nothing had happened to him, he was probably just uncomfortable seeing Johnny drunk and being around so many people, Darry really didn't let that kid out much.

"No, Dally, no. Will you let go of my arm for Christ's sakes Dally?" He asked trying to shake his arm from my grasp.

I didn't know how tightly I was clutching on to him until I let him go and saw the red hand print wrapped around his bicep.

He shook his arm a little. "Anyways, he didn't look hurt, just spooked. Christ, I didn't mean to yell at him, ya know? One too many beers, I guess. I feel awful. But Pony's smart, trust me. He probably just left to head home. He's smart, he probably knows where he's heading, probably memorized the route on the way here." Johnny reassured me.

"If there was anything to be worried about, I would worry about how sore your ass is going to be once Darry's done kicking it." He offered me a lopsided grin.

But his eyes said he did hold a bit of worry for Ponyboy. I couldn't help but worry too.

xxx

We were about to head out the door when I noticed the lack of something on Johnny; he didn't have his denim jacket on.

"Hey, Johnnycakes, you need you remember where you put it down, or did that cute girl you were making the moves on take it hope for a little keep sake?" I teased smirking.

I was trying to lighten the mood.

"Ha ha." He mock laughed. "I actually put it down on the railing on the staircase." He informed me, heading over to the banister.

He went to grab it but froze with his arm outstretched.

"What is it? Johnny? What's wrong?" I was beginning to worry again.

I followed his gaze.

Thrown haphazardly on the staircase was Ponyboys jacket.

The trance we both seemed to be caught in was broken as one of the girls that were sitting on the couch tapped me lightly on the shoulder.

I turned around so fast I knocked into Johnny's shoulder and I must have scared her a bit because she took a small step back.

"Uhm, hi. Were you here with that young kid? About fourteen, reddish hair?" She asked politely, there wasn't a trace of alcohol in her voice.

"Yeah, yeah we were actually. That's our friend Ponyboy; did you see where he went? How long ago he left?" Johnny asked, slipping his jacket on.

"Oh, well he left a while ago, kind of half stumbled half ran out of the door so fast, looked like he was about to cry." She said.

"First party?" She inquired sympathetically.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess so." It kind of just dawned on me; Pony had never actually been to any sort of party before, especially not one like this and I just let him out of my site. God what if I had found him in a room dead, strangled to death with a shoelace?

_God damn it, Dally, just stop thinking so much._

Johnny grabbed me by the wrist, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Thank you, but we really have to go looking for him." I said walking away.

"Hey, no problem!" She called out.

Every now and then you meet a genuinely nice person.

xxx

A/N: This really should have come out earlier today, but I procrastinate. This chapter is kind of short. Maybe miss nice girl will appear again. I'll update shortly, I promise.

Xo Michelle


	4. Chapter 3

**Title: **Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author: <strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**A/N: Uhhhh, tired.**

**(Told in Dally's point of view)**

**Chapter 3**

The streets are always so dark at night.

The only thing that could be seen was the faint glow of the street lamps and the lights from a nearby twenty-four hour gas station and the orange flame on the end of mine and Johnny's cancer sticks.

"Look for a pay phone. I wanna call the ol' Curtis residence to see if he's home." I instructed Johnny.

We passed the parking lot of the Dairy Queen just as a white van came tearing out of it, I glimpsed and electric company name on the side of it before it took of speeding down the street.

I jumped back, pushing Johnny back with me and it barely missed us.

"Fucking lunatics!" I yelled after it. But it was already almost out of sight.

"True that, _that_ was a close one." Johnny said as we kept walking.

I agreed with him, that van was running like a bat out of hell.

About five minutes later we came to a payphone, I pulled a dime out of my pocket and quickly inserted it into the slot, dialing the number I knew by heart, it wasn't like I had my own phone number to memorize.

"Hello?" Soda's voice answered, I thanked the Gods, I really didn't want to have to explain the situation to Darry.

"Soda, Soda, its Dally-" I started.

"Dally? Jesus where the hell are you guys? It's almost one in the morning for Christ's sakes!" He said, he was keeping his voice down.

Maybe Ponyboy was already home and sleeping?

I could faintly hear Darry in the background.

"He never uses his head, that kid never uses his god damned, god forsaken, brainy head of his. This is-"

I didn't finish listening to what Darry was saying.

"Ponyboys home, right?" I asked. I was hoping he was there.

"No," Soda started carefully. "Isn't he with you?"

_Oh God no._

"Yeah, we uh, we…lost him." I finished lamely.

There was a pause; Johnny was looking at me like I was informing someone their grandmother died.

There was still a pause.

"You what?" Sodas voice was dangerously low.

"He, well he left before us, he's probably on his way home now, should be there any minute." I tried to cover. More or less, I tried to convince myself Pony was on his way home, safe and sound.

"Dally, where the hell did you go in the first place? You should know better than to keep Pone out this late!" His voice was rising and it was only a matter of time before Darry heard the conversation and caught on to who Soda was talking to.

"I-"

"Just get here. Now." He growled into the phone. I hung it up and crossed my fingers Pony would be there by the time we got there.

xxx

When Johnny and I arrived back at the Curtis house, Soda was waiting out on the porch.

Sighting us, he grabbed me by the collar and pushed me up against the door frame.

"Where. The fuck. Is He, Dally?" He snarled, getting close to my face.

I thought I was going to throw up.

_Oh God no. Oh please God, NO._

Johnny made a chocked sound in the back of his throat. I thought he was either going to vomit or cry he did neither, he just stood there frozen, looking at me and Soda like a deer caught in the head lights.

_Oh my God, no, no, no, no, no._

"Soda, Soda, please tell me he's here, please, Soda tell me he's here, safe in bed." I pleaded with him.

His face softened when he noticed my desperate face. He released me and looked over at Johnny.

"What the hell is going on?" He demanded.

My brain felt fuzzy and for a second I couldn't talk, I just stared at Soda, then to Johnny, then to Soda.

"Is Darry in the house?" I asked lowly.

Soda's head snapped towards me. "Of course he is, he's in the living room ready to beat the shit out of you!"

"Yeah, yeah." I couldn't quite form a sentence.

I stepped into the house carefully; there Darry was, still in his cloths from the day, pacing back and forth in the living room furiously.

"Darry-" I began, but he cut me off.

With his fist.

It was a light punch to the side of my jaw, didn't hurt too much, he grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around, slamming me against the wall.

His face was close to mine, angry eyes burning into mine, fingers holding my shoulders in a bruising grip; I could smell cinnamon on his breath from the Altoids he would pop into his mouth like he was addicted to them whenever he go nervous.

"Dallas Winston, you have about two seconds to tell me what the _fuck_ happened and where on earth my baby brother is." He demanded.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Johnny and Sodapop step into the room.

"Darry, let him go. He's just as scared as we are." Darry released his grip on me and wildly turned to face his brother.

"I'm not scared I'm just…I want to know what happened." He said.

I felt sympathy for him then, him and Soda. Pony was their little brother, he was the baby of the gang, and if he showed up dead, they might as well just blame it on me.

xxx

A/N: Decided I would just whip this out before bed.


	5. Chapter 4

**Title: **Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author: <strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**A/N: **Oh my good golly gosh! Again, thank you for all the reviews, if I could hug all of you I would! AND sorry that it took so long to update!

**SORRY FOR THE REPEAT CHAPTER LAST TIME!**

**(Told in Dally's point of view)**

**Chapter 4**

The four of us sat in the living room, no one breathed, no one moved, I was pretty sure Darry was standing there unblinking.

Soda sat in the arm chair, me and Johnny sat on the couch and Darry stood across, from us, arms folded over his chest, a stern look on his face.

That face didn't work in just scaring Pony.

"Look, just tell us where the hell you brought him then what happened and where you think he might be." Soda started.

"No, first I want you to tell me what the hell you were thinking bringing my kid brother any place but the theater, or the drive, or hell, even _Bucks._" Darry said. I looked at him dead in the eye,

"I just want you to know how sorry I really am."

"Enough of that already just tell me what the hell happened." He snapped.

Johnny was fidgeting nervously; did he think Darry would blame him for making Pony run off like that?

"I, I took him and Johnny to a party." I started.

Darry looked like he was about to launch at me from his seat.

"It was just a little house party, honest, it wasn't even that far away either!" I said, trying to defend myself.

"Do you honestly think you're descelating my anger?" He yelled getting to his feet.

"I, well, no, Darry, but-"

"No Dallas! _No_! There are no buts I actually trusted you with my baby brothers _life_, Dallas. I trusted that you would actually look after him and not disprespect me or my wishes!" He was yelling so loud at me Johnny started to get a lilted scared, which, luckily, Soda took note of.

"Darry, bring your voice down a little, yelling and hollering isn't gonna solve anything." Soda pleaded with his older brother.

Darry turned to face him.

"What, so no you're going to take his side?"

Soda sighed. "No, Darry, I agree with ya a hundred and ten percent. I'm just saying that you need to calm down just a little, for the sake of everyone else."

Thankfully Darry understood, he looked back over at where me and Johnny were sitting.

"Finish your story." He commanded me and sat back down.

"Anyways, we went inside it everything seemed to go fine, he didn't make any sort of comment indicating he really didn't want to go inside that house, the only comment he made about the entire thing was that you wouldn't like the fact I was taking him to a party-"

"You think so?" Darry cut in sarcastically.

"Darry, let 'em finish." Soda told him.

"He took a drink, from my friend Zach, the one who was holding the party-"

"You let him have alcohol?" Darry looked like he was about to get up out of his seat again.

"Geez, Darry, would you just sit down and _listen_." Soda scolded, though he wasn't exactly shooting me pleasant looks.

Darry sat down again and rubbed his hands over his face.

"I kept an eye on him for a bit, the Johnny starting drinking and I started to keep an eye on him. The last time I saw Pony was when he got himself another drink. That was at least two hours before we finally noticed him missing." I finished, keeping the part about him and Johnny getting into a fight out of it.

"That's it? You have absolutely no idea if he left, or how he left, or if he even left on his _own_ account?" Darry asked he was calmer than before, just staring down at his hands. But I could tell it wouldn't be long before another outburst from him…or another fist to the face.

"Ye-" I started.

"No." I was cut off by Johnny this time.

Soda and Darry both looked at him, surprised.

Johnny _was _usually the innocent one.

"I was the last one he talked to. I was sort of drunk, drunk enough to not be myself but not drunk enough to forget everything that happened. Anyways, I was talking to a girl, some blonde girl whose name I didn't even get. She was being all flirty, and I felt all relaxed, ya know?" He paused.

He was sitting there rigid, not looking a anyone, but I noticed his grip tightened on the fabric of the couch.

"Out of nowhere Ponyboy shows up, grabbing onto my arm desperately, I didn't notice then or I did but I just didn't acknowledge it but he was absolutely frantic about something," He paused again, this time it was to chock back a cry, his knuckles where turning white from how tightly he was fisting the couch.

"He said something to me, something about how we had to leave. I just, I just told him to stop being a baby and try to enjoy himself a little then, I, I turned away from him." He finished still not looking at anyone.

Soda came over and sat next to Johnny, I couldn't take my eyes off of how hard he was holding onto that couch.

"Johnny, you were drinking, you weren't thinking clearly. Ok? I know you would never intentionally hurt Pony or let him get hurt." He said, slinging an arm over Johnny's shoulders.

Darry sighed. I looked up at him, he was standing again, pacing, running a hand over his face.

"So he could have been hurt at the party? Something could have happened to him there? He could still be there?"

I shook my head.

"I doubt anything could have happened to him there, the people there wouldn't actually want to hurt anyone, it was just a group of people looking to have some fun." I told him, not even trying to defend myself, but I was being honest. I wouldn't take him _or _Johnny to a place I didn't think was safe.

"There are sick people out there Dally! Their idea of fun could be _anything_!" He shouted.

"Wait; so there could be a chance Pony's still at the house?" Soda asked.

Both me and Johnny shook our heads.

"No, we talked to some girl before we left, said she saw him leave the house entirely." I sighed.

"We have to try and find him." Darry said looking up at the ceiling.

"Find who?"

We looked over to see Two-bit coming in the house, dragging Steve along with him.

"Guys, Pony's missing." Soda informed them softly.

No one said anything else.

xxx

A/N: I didn't know how to end this chapter :p


	6. Chapter 5

**Title: **Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author: <strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**A/N: **EEEEEEE! Thanks you for all reviews! So very appreciated!

**SPECIAL SHOUT OUTS TO ELEX88, SOME COMPLETELY RANDOM REVEIWER WHO WAS VERY PLEASANT AND ILOVEPEPSI2!**

**(Told in Ponyboy's point of view)**

**Chapter 5**

Everything hurt.

I could barely register any sound besides the blood rushing in my ears.

My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

I was left standing in the middle of the Dairy Queen parking lot at six in the morning.

_How many hours have I been with them?_

I was in a slight daze. My vision was hazy and I could barely support myself on my legs.

I was shaking like a leaf, and I was so, so cold.

_How many times did they take me?_

I could feel blood and their fluids between my legs. I almost vomited at the thought, at the _feeling_, but I had done enough puking, my throat was sore from stomach acid and the screaming I had done.

I stood looking around me.

All I could focus on was the pain.

The sky was pale and the sun was rising, it was always my favorite time of day, great way to start my morning, I always found it to be fucking gorgeous.

I couldn't think of anything that made me sicker.

_How LONG was I with them?_

I tried to remember how to walk.

I tried to remember who I _was_.

I looked down at my hands. They were bloody; one of my fingernails was missing.

_Ponyboy screamed as the male on top of him roughly took the teen, he was the first one to have the go at violating him completely, the man had officially taken the boys virginity._

"_Oh, God, it hurts, please, PLEASE!" Ponyboy screamed and blubbered. _

_He cried and attempted to move away from the body on top of him. _

_Ponyboy reached over to the wall of the truck, desperately clawing at it, he felt the longer nail of his pointer finger bend back off of his nail bed, he cried out in pain, but he barely noticed his nail tearing off._

My hands started to shake.

I started walking, fast, people were looking at me, I really must have looked like hell.

All I could think about was the red stain that must have been on the seat of my pants.

I had to go somewhere.

I was stumbling around like when I first left the party,

_Last night._

It felt like an eternity since I had been yelled at by,

By who?

God _what _was my name again?

Ponyboy.

Ponyboy Michael Curtis.

My parents were real original.

I have a brother named, named

Sodapop.

God, _Soda._

Soda and Darry.

Must be worried sick

He's gonna have my head,

Never use my head.

_Where am I supposed to go?_

Hospital.

No, not the hospital.

Home.

_If you go to the hospital, they'll know, everyone will know._

No longer a virgin, no longer innocent, no longer pure.

_Worthless._

_Disgusting._

God, the _scars._

"_Oh, baby, you fell so good around me, ah…gonna shoot." There was another one on top of him now._

"_Mmmph, so tight." He breathed out._

_Another one gripped his hair, harshly pulling his head to the side._

"_Your just lovin' this, aren't you" He spat._

_Ponyboy cried harder, shaking his head._

"_Aww, don't cry, you don't look to pretty when you cry." He cooed._

"_Stop." Ponyboy pleaded, breathlessly._

_The one on top of him grunted._

"_Nah ah, after I'm done with you, there are others that are looking to have some fun with you, and after that, maybe I'll just take you again."_

_He leaned down, his mouth level with Ponyboys ear, "Wouldn't you love that?"_

_He tilted his head back, enough to see the one that had been sitting there calmly the entire time, he had also been the driver of the van._

_The guy regarded him coolly, not looking into his eyes, looking slightly above them._

_The one sitting next to him, following his line of vision._

"_Jim, you gonna do anything?" He asked Mr. Driver._

_His eyes flicked the one questioning him, he slowly shook his head._

"_No, but give him another little reminder of tonight, we don't want him forgetting." For the first time that night his face showed some kind of emotion, his mouth twisted into a disturbing smile._

_Ponyboy whimpered and shut his eyes tightly._

_With a strangled cry, the one on top of him came, it was cold and sticky and coated Ponyboys insides uncomfortably. He could feel it seeping out of his abused entrance along with blood, the feeling of the mixture and the smell made his stomach knot, he turned his head to the side and vomited all over the van floor._

_He spit, bile and blood coming out of his mouth, he dry heaved, his stomach constricting painfully._

"_Aw, fuck, the little bitch fuckin' puked!" One of the men exclaimed._

_He roughly took a fistful of the small boys auburn locks, twisting his head painfully and slammed Ponyboys head against the floor of the van._

_Ponyboy saw white spots carefully dance across his vision as pain radiated through his whole skull._

_The man that was previously on top of him sipped his pants back up and looked over towards Jim._

"_Ya mean, give him a reminder like we did to that other bitch?" He asked, still slightly panting._

'_So this wasn't the first time they've done something like this, is it?' Ponyboy thought to himself, trying to ignore the pain that was pulsing harshly in the lower half of his body._

"_I thought we weren't gonna kill this one." Another said._

_A flash of panic coursed briefly through Ponyboys veins, 'Kill me? Please do so, death would be better than this.' He was already on the edge of beginning them to just finish it, to kill him._

"_We ain't killing him, but we can still give him a little gift." Jim said._

"_You can take you gift and shove it up-" Ponyboys bold statement was cut off by a back hand across the face._

_His chin was roughly grabbed and he was blurrily staring up at one of his tormenters. "I really, really, wouldn't finish that sentence if I was you." He snarled._

_Ponyboy whined in his throat and turned his head to the side, roughly prying it from grimy and sweaty fingers._

"_Just hurry the fuck up and do it already!" Jim commanded from where he was sitting._

_Ponyboy didn't have an idea in the world what 'it' was. They had already done just about everything, all that would be left is killing him._

'_They already said they weren't going to kill you.' He told himself._

_He barely finished the thought before a menacing body was hovering over him, clutching a switchblade in his hand, and the thought that he was going to get out of this alive diminished slightly._

"_Hold him down while you do it, don't want him fucking up your work." Jim gruffly demanded. _

_He felt rough hands pressing his shoulders down, another pair grasped his hips, holding his torso completely in place. _

_He felt the cold steel of the blade press into the skin right above his hip…hard._

_He tried to squirm away from it as he felt warm, sticky blood begin to seep up through the wound, then he felt it start to drag tearing at his flesh and he started screaming again, tears leaking from his tightly clenched eyes._

_-break-_

_It seemed like hours before he finally felt the knife pause for longer than thirty seconds._

_He looked down at his torso to see a mess of blood pooling where the wounds where, his eyebrow knotted in confusion._

_One of the men must have seen the look on his face, or the way he was craning his neck because he laughed cruelly before dousing cold water from a bottle over it, washing the blood away._

_He felt something in his stomach drop as he looked down at the word etched roughly into his skin, going diagonally from his hip to his belly button was the word worthless._

_He let his head drop back against the floor._

_And he barely even flinched when he felt another body climb on top of him._

_He just wanted them to kill him._

I looked down at my torso, refusing to lift the shirt up.

I looked around me again, no one seemed to notice me, it was too early.

Would anyone be concerned about a bleeding, shaking 14-year-old boy standing lost in the middle of a Dairy Queen parking lot?

I hoped not, I wasn't in the mood to answer fucking stupid questions like 'Are you ok?'

I took a deep breath to steady myself and recollected some sense of just where the hell I was actually going.

And started on the route back to what it was ninety seven percent sure was the way home.

**A/N: This is a really cool random fact for you guys! A "Ponyboy" is actually another name for a male prostitute! Loving parents, right? :D**

**Ps. I love hearing others opinions about my work, but don't let it stop there! If you have any ideas feel free to share!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Title: **Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author: <strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**A/N: **Ok OHMIGOSH you guys so this one author who I really particularly like and is amazing (I'm not going to mention names) put this story on their alerts and I like FREAKED out hahaha :D

**JUST ANOTHING WARNING! THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS ARE PROBABLY GOING TO BE A BIT GRITTY AND GRAPHIC!**

**(Told in Ponyboy's point of view)**

**Chapter 6**

I stood there.

I just _stood_ there across the street, across the street from my house. I leaned heavily on a telephone pole, just looking at my house.

There were various cars in the drive way, Darry's and Steve's, Two-bit's and Dally's . Everyone must have been there, waiting for me.

Lucky fucking guess.

I had been like that for thirteen minutes, only because I was counting every single second that went by, lack of better things to do I suppose besides, oh yeah, going in and confirming everyone that I'm not fucking dead.

_God, I would rather be. I wished they listened to my fucking requests, my endless pleads for them to kill me._

_I just want it to be over._

Tears started streaming down my face again.

God, I was so fucking sick of crying.

"_Aww, don't cry, you don't look to pretty when you cry."_

Double checking that there weren't any cars coming, I carefully crossed the street, just staring at the door, I barely noticed myself pushing the metal fence open but next thing I knew I was face to face with the entrance to my home, the place last night I was dying to get back to, know I would rather be any place but.

Then I knocked on the door…

I knocked on the fucking door to my own _goddamned _house.

I really was stupid.

I heard noises, then voices

Darry's; "Soda, get the door!"

Johnny's; "I got it!"

The mixed voices of the rest of the gang, then the door opened.

And I was face to face with my best friend. The shock was apparent on his face.

What if he was my ex-best friend now?

What if he didn't like my anymore?

Before he could even open his mouth and despite absolutely everything, I started bawling like a four year old girl.

"Ponyboy!" He exclaimed, gently slinging his arm around my waist and pulling me into the house.

At his outburst there was a whole other commotion.

I was standing in the living room with the gang surrounding me.

I was still crying and I could barely recognize what was going on around me. Johnny was now standing next to Dallas, who was looking at me with an unreadable look on his face, but it wasn't cold or mean. I didn't actually even get that much time to try and figure out what it was before Sodapops face was clouding my vision.

His brown eyes looking intensely into mine were distorted and blurry due to the tears pouring down my face.

"Baby?" He questioned softly, his calloused hands cupping my face, I flinched away at first, a look of confusion and shock briefly flashed across his face, there wasn't a previous time in my life I've ever flinched away from my older brother.

He swiped his thumbs across my cheeks, catching tears, blood and grim on the tips.

Dally cursed loudly, Two-bit said something, too, but I wasn't paying attention.

I was crying too hard to really grip what was going on around me, so hard it hurt.

There was a slight ringing in my ears and I barely registered Sodas mouth moving.

_"He has awfully pretty lips, don't he?"_

I abruptly cut my sobs off.

And then I tried to stifle my laughter but I couldn't stop the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. Could you imagine something like that happening to my brother? It never would he was so much stronger than me, a lot tougher and he had a hell of a lot more common sense then I did.

He gave me a concerned look and shook my shoulders slightly.

"Honey, did you hear me?"

I just gave him a questioning look.

"I asked if you were ok." He responded, he's a good mind reader.

Did he just ask me if I was ok?

I started to giggle.

He let go of my shoulders, shocked.

Then everything just seemed so _fucking _funny.

I started laughing hysterically; I was _laughing _so hard it _hurt._

I laughed harder at my own little inside joke.

I could hear concerned words spilling from the gangs mouths; I was finding it hard to breath with how hard I was actually laughing.

A shocked silence filled the room, hell the entire house besides my disturbing and ridiculously loud laughter.

I couldn't even remember what I was laughing at.

There were shocked and concerned faces all around the room. Johnny actually looked scared. That made my laughter die down a little bit, seeing my friends faces, I must have scared them something awful.

My weak legs decided to give out and I found myself kneeling on the living room floor.

I felt my chin roughly grabbed and again I flinched, a bit more violently this time and I could feel my eyes starting to tear up again.

I came face to face with Steve Randall. He was stopped down so his face was level with mine and he held my chin, not as rough this time and looked into my eyes, studying my face carefully.

"Jesus _Christ _kid, are you _high_?" He asked peering at me.

I started giggling.

"Steve, let go of him." Dallas commanded, grabbing Steve's shoulder and pulling him away from me.

To my surprise Dally gently grabbed me underneath my arms and lifted me to my feet again, but my lower half couldn't quit function and I stumbled into his chest, my bloody hands weekly fisting his black shirt.

His larger hand came up to cup the back of my head, softly petting me. "Sh, you're all right kid." He soothed gently.

Then I remembered just who the fuck this was.

Dallas fucking Winston.

_He _decided to take me to that fucking party in the first place.

_He _was the one that should have been looking after me.

He shouldn't have left me to fend for myself.

I unclenched my hands, splaying my hands flat against his chest I used what little strength I had and pushed myself away from him.

Then I spoke for the first time since I came home.

"I fucking hate you Dallas Winston." I spat at him.

"Look-" He started, hurt was actually apparent on his face, he was actually showing some sort of emotion and I was the one that could fucking put it there.

"No! I hate you!" I screamed a bit hysterically, pushing against him harder.

He stumbled back looking hurt.

"I shouldn't have gone with you in the first place!" I cried out.

"This is your entire fault! I fucking _hate _you! I should have known better then to trust a fucking scum bag like you!" I could hear how hysterical my voice sounded, it was high pitch and piercing and hurt my already raw throat, but I was so fucking angry at him.

I wanted him to hurt like I did.

Not physically or mentally.

But emotionally, I wanted him to feel as fucking broken and stupid and _worthless _as I did.

He put his hands up in defense. I was surprised he hadn't tried to punch me yet; his face didn't even show a bit of anger, but I could see some sort of emotion on his face.

I didn't care enough to want to find out what it was.

"Kid, please, I never meant for you to get hurt." He said sincerely.

I laughed, but it wasn't kind of the hysterical laugh from earlier, or a genuine one, but it was bitter and angry.

"You don't get it Dally! That's not the fucking point!" I hissed.

"Then would you please just try to calm the fuck down and explain to me and everyone else here what the point just so happens to be?" His voice had risen in volume and it was evident he was trying not to shout.

I didn't know what to say.

I didn't want to talk to them, I didn't want them to find out I just wanted to go and take a fucking shower and curl up under the covers, no even safer, underneath the bed.

Someplace that they wouldn't be able to find me.

But, god what if they were already _underneath the bed. _Or in our closet, what if they had actually followed me home and were in there right now waiting or me?

My breathing started to quicken.

What if I was to go in the bathroom and open the curtain to find _Jim _just _standing _there waiting for me.

I started crying harder.

"Kid, I didn't mean to scare you-" Dally started, coming towards me.

"Dallas, leave him alone you scared him enough." Darry cut him off, pulling him back by his shoulder.

I looked up at Dallas's face, I could see now how sorry he looked, how worried he looked how _caring _he looked.

"Then why did you leave me?" I whispered breaking off into tears.

"Oh, Pone." He whispered softly.

Soda put a hand on my shoulder, this time I violently pushed him away, why the _fuck _were they touching me?

I started crying again, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, clenching my eyes shut.

"Oh my God." I heard Darry dead pan, but I ignored him and whatever the fuck he was 'Oh my god-ing' about.

"Just stop fucking touching _me_." I sobbed.

I pressed myself against the wall and covered my face with my shaking hands.

I don't think I can live like this.

xxx

**A/N: So uh, sorry this took so long…and sorry it's short and sucky. Bleah. **

**Again, reviews, criticism and ideas are always welcomed and encouraged!**


	8. Chapter 7

**Title: **Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author: <strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**A/N: **Ok, so you guys are absolutely amazing. I love hearing from all of you and I am SO happy people are actually enjoying my writing!

**JUST ANOTHING WARNING! THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS ARE PROBABLY GOING TO BE A BIT GRITTY AND GRAPHIC!**

**(Told in Soda's point of view)**

**Chapter 7**

The entire gang stood in the living room, looking at my baby brother in shock. He looked so distressed and scared and absolutely _broken _I felt like I was going to start crying.

What happened to him?

Who _did this _to him?

He looked awful, his hair was messy, his face streaked with dirt and blood and tears. He had various cuts and bruises on his face and his lip was fat and split. His shirt was soaked in blood and torn; I didn't even want to see the harrowing wounds that were without a doubt underneath it. His pants were ripped a disheveled, hanging low on his hips, his belt was missing.

I swallowed thickly.

There were thick handprints around his slim wrists, bruises flowering down his arms. His hands were also bloody and grimy, ridiculously so. Then there was his neck.

My gaze settled on it.

There were bite marks.

And Bruises.

There were _Hickeys _on my little brother neck. Some worse than others, some had drying blood around them some were red and fading there were large and dark blue, looking worse than the ones on his arms put together.

I felt bile rise in my throat, I swallowed harder this time, tearing my eyes away from my broken baby brother.

I looked over at Darry,

At Steve

At Two-bit.

Did any of them notice?

Darry looked over at me, our eyes meet and I _knew _he saw. Anger. That was an emotion I could see clearly in his eyes. Anger and worry.

His gaze broke away from my mine, he looked down at the floor, has jaw clenching and his hands turning into fists by his sides.

I looked back over to Ponyboy. He was still pressed against the wall, his arms wrapped around himself. God, I wanted to go over there and wrap my arms around him, not wanting to risk another outburst I refrained.

I clenched my teeth.

"Pony." Dally breathed out, he was standing right in front of him but far enough back that Ponyboy wasn't reduced to a shaking intimidated mess from the close proximity of the tough hood.

Pony's eyes that had been intensely focused on his shoes snapped up to meet Dally's. His eyes were dead, glassed over, probably from the pain but non-the-less he had a deathly glare fixed on Dallas.

"_Dally_." Ponyboy mimicked him.

I looked at him, shocked, his mood was a rollercoaster; changing from insane, to scared and terrified to bitter and sarcastic.

"Ponyboy, calm down, _please, _don't be like this." I pleaded him; tears were forming in my eyes.

He looked over at me.

I could barely hold his gaze.

I used to love his eyes. The emotion that played in them and that color of them.

Now I could barely stand to look into them.

I couldn't take my mind of the way they looked, the emotion in them, the way the color had physically _dulled _in his eyes.

"Soda?" It was like he was in some kind of daze.

Disoriented.

He finally looked around at the gang, really took in his surroundings.

"I'm gonna….I'm gonna go get cleaned up, kay?" He said so softly, trying to steady himself on weak legs, he pressed his hand against the wall, dragging it slightly.

I wanted to say something, offer to help him but my breath suddenly became caught in my throat and I was frozen in my spot.

I stared at the wall.

I heard him limping down the hallway.

All I did was stare at the wall.

I heard the door to the bathroom softly click shut.

But I could only focus on the bloody handprint and light smear of blood that was on the wall.

I heard gasps and curses and knew that everyone was sickened by it.

I just stared.

I felt Darry drape his arm across my shoulders, and I started crying.

xxx

**A/N: His it's me. So, as the author I feel it may be my duty to let you guys know this will probably not be a happy story, and it maybe not be one that goes to fast but I CAN promise you a happy ending. But about the Darry/Pony slash if you are looking for a hardcore slash relationship…you're not going to get one. I don't even know if this story is actually going to involve a pairing or even a Dally/Pony pairing. If anything it will most likely be a pre-slash relationship. Thanks that's it.**

**ALWAYS OPEN FOR REQUESTS/OPINIONS/IDEAS!**


	9. Chapter 8

**Title: **Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author: <strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**PLEASE NOTE I CHANGED THE SUMMARY.**

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**A/N: **Ok, so you guys are absolutely amazing. I love hearing from all of you and I am SO happy people are actually enjoying my writing!

**(Told in Ponyboys's point of view)**

**Chapter 8**

They stared at me.

The entire gang just stared at me.

And I felt so intimidated and horribly exposed. It felt like they could see right through me, like they could see _everything _that had happened to me.

I wrapped my arms around my torso, trying to shrink back into the wall, wishing for the ground to swallow me up, wishing to just get out away from all of them.

I felt like I was going to throw up.

I could feel the blood _all over me._

I needed to shower, to get clean. I just needed to get into the goddamned bathroom and clean.  
>I stared fixatedly down at my shoes.<p>

"Pony" I heard Dally, I snapped up, glaring at him, but my vision was so blurry I couldn't tell if it was even affective.  
>Everything seemed blurry around the edges; I couldn't really hear anything properly, the only point of focus was Dally, standing there, close to me. It made me tremble, it made me frightened. Not from him, I wasn't that afraid of him, I was afraid of the contact that would come about if he was closer, if anyone was closer.<p>

I was actually _afraid_ of the sensation of skin on skin, of someone else's warmth connecting to me.

"Ponyboy, calm down, _please, _don't be like this." I heard someone plead.

I looked over in the direction to see Soda. Soda looking upset and worried and _god _there were even tears in his eyes.  
>I looked at him and I felt my senses return to me.<br>_Right, I should probably say something back to him. _  
>"Soda?"<br>_Great response Pony, keep up the good work._

I hated how my voice sounded, scratchy and distant.  
>I looked around the room. My gaze skipped over Dally entirely. Everyone was looking at me, Darry's<br>eyes were scrutinizing, picking every detail of me apart, I wondered if he _knew _just by looking at  
>me.<p>

"I'm gonna….I'm gonna go get cleaned up, kay?" I whispered. I pressed my left hand against the wall and tried to regain my center of balance.  
>I stumbled down the hallway; I could barely move my lower body. Pain shot up through my spine to the back of my skull, making my dizzy and nauseas after every small movement I made.<br>I grasped the door knob to the bathroom tightly, carefully turning it and letting myself into the bathroom.  
><em>Finally.<em>

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it heavily. My eyes closed, trying to even out my breathing and stop my shaking.  
>I tensed at the thought of having to pass the bathroom mirror. Did I actually want to look at myself? Fear coursed through my body at just the sickening thought of having to look at my face, my torso or my arms.<p>

I decided to close my eyes as I passed it

Without opening my eyes, I gripped the counter tightly, inching my way until I felt the counter disappearing from my fingers, signaling I was past the dreaded mirror.  
>I inhaled slowly and opened my eyes.<p>

_The shower._  
>I don't think I've ever been so happy to see that bathroom fixture in my entire life. I turned the water up as high as it could possibly go; steam flooded the bathroom fogging up the small window.<p>

I inhaled, and then exhaled, trying to even out my still trembling breathing.

My body quacked in pain and I had to hold my breath as I moved to carefully lift my dirtied tank-top above my head (that was now clinging to my body uncomfortably, suffocating me and _oh God why in the world did I wear it of course I looked like a slut_)I quickly pulled it over my head. I never wanted to see the shirt again. I crumpled it into a ball and threw it into the waste basket.

Next were my pants. I closed my eyes tightly as my shaking fingers struggled with the button. I relaxed trying to calm myself.

_Jesus Christ Pony, stop taking so goddamn LONG. The sooner you get yourself undressed the sooner you can be under that deliciously scalding water a wash the blood and cum away, the feel of their hands and their laughter and moans and groans._

I let out a strangled sob, I could feel myself so close the breaking down, I was teetering on the edge of losing any semblance of sanity I had so carefully piece together. I hastily opened and pulled my jeans of, flinging them into the waste basket I didn't give myself a second thought before I was pulling off my boxers caked with blood, nearly ripping them in my urgency to just get them _off of me _and clambering into the shower.

The water burn and stung at first, painful of the open wounds and were my skin was red and raw but it felt so unbelievably good. The burning that encased my entire body was what was working to make me pure again to make me fucking _clean. _I let my head drop down, the water pulsed down on my head, wetting my hair and down on my neck and shoulders soothing the sore muscles. But when I opened my eyes I was looking down at the damage _they _had done.

There was blood and cum caked on my groin gradually being washed away by the running water, dark finger shaped bruises littered my hips, indicating the different grips that each of _them _had. Cuts and hickeys littered my chest and stomach and _god _if the bruises wrapped around my upper thighs didn't look like handprints…

My vision began blurring, I couldn't tell if it was just the water running into them or if it was the tears I _knew _were starting to drip down my face.

My legs became week and shaky, I pressed my palms against the white slippery tile of the shower wall as my knees buckled and I fell to the shower floor. I barely registered the pain the shocked through my knees as I landed, harsh sobs escaped me, tearing at my throat, they rose in volume until I was almost screaming. I didn't care who could hear me. I just wanted to scream and cry until I ran out of oxygen.

My fingers curled as if I was trying to scratch the tile off the wall. I just wanted to grip something, cause my grip on reality was fading quicker than I thought.

Someone was knocking loudly on the door now.

I just continued crying and screaming as water continued to wash everything down the drain, my sanity with it.

xxx

**A/N: Uh…hey guys, right so I AM SO TERRIBLY FREAKING OBNOXIOUSLY SORRY! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I PROCRASTINATED THIS MUCH IN UPDATING THIS STORY! I feel terrible D: Hopefully the updating will go back to normal :D (Feedback and ideas are always appreciated and welcome!)**


	10. Chapter 9

**Title:**Leave Me Where I Am**  
>Author:<strong>Acoustic Heart  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

**Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.**

**Chapter 9**

After Ponyboy had stumbled and limped to the bathroom me and the gang went completely silent. The first one to move was Dally, he cussed and shouted and sounded so angry and upset that no one made even a move to stop him as he stormed from the house.

I was looking anywhere but the faces of the gang around me. Guilt was squeezing my stomach in a tight grip and I was afraid that I might be sick all over the carpet that I stood on. I felt someone begin to rub my back in a soothing manner, warm flat palm easing the tension from my rigid spine. I raised my eyes to see Two-bit looking at me, concerned and serious, emotions that looked so out of place on him. Guilt squeezed tighter at me, sure maybe he still saw the gangs pet but now what had I become? Some drunken ass that let his best friend, who still really is just a kid, get assaulted. God, I was just as at fault as Dallas.

I shrugged myself from his grip and followed Dallys pathway out the door. I would be of no use in helping with Ponyboy so I figured I would start with Dallas first. I took the fresh air in through my nose, trying to ease my nausea. I headed towards the abandoned lot.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I watched sadly as Jonny shrugged off Two-bits comforting gesture, tears brimming his eyes as he left the house, no doubt in search of Dallas. I hoped the kid wasn't blaming himself.

I don't want to think that it's anyone's fault, but I can't help but put the blame on Dal, he should have known better. An undeniable surge of anger ran through me, the older hood was the only one who I could stick the blame on for what happened to my baby brother.

I suppressed the anger coursing through me and put on a brave face, facing Darry and Steve, I nodded towards the bathroom door where Pony had disappeared to. I had to force the words out of my constricting throat.

"I'm, uh, gonna wait for him."

I walked cautiously down the hall way and slid to a sitting position across from the bathroom door. I heard Darry, Steve and Two-bit talking and hushed voices then the sound of the front door and cars peeling out of our driveway. I peered back down the hallway to see Darry standing in the center of the living room, jaw clenched glaring blankly at the wall.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: I am so fucking stuck on this mother fucking story. So here's a filler chapter.


	11. Authors Note (sorry for the false hope)

I want to continue this story. I am currently trying to rewrite the chapters to take them out of first person point of view but I like suck at it so I may get the help of a beta to speed the process along.

If interested in helping a girl out shoot me a PM and we can exchange emails so I can send you the chapters. (Please note, I only have google docs on my computer so you'll need to convert the file to Microsoft word if that's what you use.)

Love you guys a whole bunch xoxoxoxo

Michelle


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